Five Times Kate Beckett was shot, and the one time she wasn't
by jennifergarnerfan
Summary: Five Times Kate Beckett was shot, and the One time she wasn't. #1 - The Anniversary of Johanna Beckett #2 - The Funeral of Roy Montgomery #3 - Capture the Flag #4 - The Garden #5- Til Death #6- And the one time she wasn't.
1. The Anniversary of Johanna Beckett

All mistakes are mine. Apologies for the formatting and grammar, most things really. This was written on a plane, after reading many a fic from the brilliant Castle Prompts blog.

So not mine. I have time commitment issues.

#1 - Winged

When Kate was nineteen her mother died. Every year on the anniversary she moped. In bed. With Temptation Lane. Or a depressing movie. It was pure self indulgence, but it was the one day which she completely gave in to grief. The one day, she needed to be swallowed by her grief, and come out the other end, prepared for another year without her mum.

This year, however, was different. She was being made to work. And she was pissed about it.

She asked to take the day off, which was risky in itself, should she be turned down, it wasn't like she could call in sick. With a sympathetic look and shake of his head, the Captain said no, blaming the current flu that had been running through the precinct. She'd argued, but ultimately hit a brick wall.

Now she was sitting at work, on her mothers death-anniversary, feeling sorry for herself. Her partner, Esposito, sat across from her, staring her down.

"Something's wrong?" He asks, popping candy into his mouth.

"Not particularly."

"We gotta leave soon, they've put us on monitoring the station."

"Great."

"Kate, as monosyllabic as you usually are, you seem more so today."

"Sorry," she turns to look at him.

Shaking his head, he stands and chucks her the keys for the cruiser. "Never mind, let's go?"

They leave in the car heading for the train station. Mulling not only over the fact that she wasn't at home and she wasn't in bed, she isn't particularly listening when the call comes in for an in progress robbery.

Espo answers the call, quickly and efficiently he puts the sirens on and heads for the address. He looks towards his partner but doesn't break her reverie.

On arrival he looks at her again. She looks so out of it. Sick? Maybe?

"Kate? Beckett?"

"Sorry. I'm with it." She's clearly not. "I'll take the back, you take the front?" She comments.

"Sure. Stay alert, the call said armed." Maybe they should go together.

"Mmk." Her answers make him concerned, not the Kate he normally works with, but hey, they have a job and he trusts her to run this by the book.

She moves away from Esposito, gun at the ready, moving quickly and quietly towards the back of the building.

Maybe just what she needs is some justice. Her mum didn't get any, so may as well dole some out.

The house, a brownstone, just on the outskirts of their jurustruction, appears empty- she hears Espo knock and declare themselves- she hears a crash, a shot and all of a sudden she's running, bolting after the man who crashed through the window waving his gun over his head unloading it as he goes. She ducks and takes cover before thinking again.

Ugh. Screw this. Kate bolts, and speeds up to make up the ground she lost. Not today, she thinks. She yells, twice for him to stop before tackling him into a wall.

"I asked you to stop."

She kicked his legs from underneath him and pressed his head to the floor. Espo catches up, calling her name as he reaches her.

"Kate. Kate? Kate! Stop!"

Cuffing the suspects hands behind his back, she shoots Esposito a look. "What?"

"Look!"

She looked at the suspect. Hmm, she may have ground his face into the ground more than she thought.

"Sorry!? I'm sure his face will be fine. Why do you care? Last week,"

"No, look.." Espo pointed to her shoulder, cutting her off.

She looked down, and the pain started to bloom from her shoulder. Fuck. Today of all days. Seems about right.

As Espo called for backup and a medic, she sits across from the suspect applying pressure to her own shoulder. If only she's stayed home.

Backup takes the suspect as she sits in the paramed-van with Espo.

They patched up her arm, after she'd adamantly argued against going to the hospital. Not today. They'd only agreed as she'd been winged by the bullet. Only 8 stitches in her shoulder. And she needs to buy a new shirt.

She glances at Espo, who hasn't left her side.

"Sorry." She mutters.

"Sok. You don't need to explain." He pats her good shoulder and helps her to her feet as the start to walk away from the van.

"Today's my mums death anniversary."

He nods. "Sorry."

"Not your fault."

He grabs her good hand.

"You know if you ever want to talk, I'm here?"

"Thanks Espo. Today is just the perfect end to a perfect day really. I just want to go home." She shrugs her shoulders, and then remembers she shouldn't. That hurts.

"Let's go." He grabs the keys from her. She thinks of calling him on it then reconsiders.

"I've called it through to Montgomery. He's given you the rest of the day and tomorrow if you need."

"Thanks Espo." She says despondently.

They aren't too far from her apartment when she starts to cry. Too much today. Far, far too much.

Espo looks over and then pulls over.

"You're ok Kate."

She buries her head into her hands, and shakes it vehemently.

"Sorry. This isn't how I expected my day to go. Usually I'm in bed and moping alone."

Espo doesn't immediately reply. After she's calmed down considerably, he hands her a tissue.

"You're not alone, you know. You've got me. And Ryan. Maybe the new girl. And Montgomery." She gives him a watery smile. "And you know if you ever want us to look into the case, we have your back."

"Home?" She requests. It's the only place she wants to be.

Espo continues to drive, parking outside her apartment. He helps her up the stairs. Standing at her door, she invites him in.

"Can I get you anything?" She asks, putting her keys on the hook.

"Isn't that my line?"

She smiles. "You can go."

"I'll be back tomorrow. Don't bother coming in, think of it as your day in lieu."

She heads towards her bedroom, "Thanks. Just shut the door behind you? It's dead-locked, so it'll lock."

Espo turns to leave.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

She doesn't answer and heads for bed. When there, she turns in the tv, curls up in a ball and cries for her mum.

#2 will come soonish. I'm not sure when, but I have a 24 hour plane ride coming up, so that might be motivating. Never done more than a 2 parter, so come for the ride people! (Fair warning though, it might be a long one!)


	2. The Funeral Of Roy Montgomery

Sooner than I thought! Hopefully this lives up to expectations. Was fun to write, unbetaed - all mistakes are mine, blah blah woof woof. Reviews would be ace!

#2 / The Funeral of Roy Montgomery

Here's what she remembers.

She remembers finishing her speech. She remembers feeling proud that the got through it without tears, or a hitch in her voice. The pain in her heart is replaced by what she recalls as a searing pain, that doesn't end. Humans apparently don't remember pain, once it's over it's finished, but she finds herself remembering the exact moment when steel hits flesh, and it stops her breathing every single time.

She remembers being on the grass as Castle holds her head up, asking her, telling her? To hold on and that he loves her? And thinking that the ground was damp. She remembers, as she drifts in and out of consciousness that maybe she can rest now. Just for a little while.

Here's what she knows.

The doctors are good. She knows that. And the nurses are patient. She knows that too. Her visitors don't stay long, and as she drifts in and out of consciousness, she is thankful for that. She knows Josh has visited and Castle too, and her Dad is there.

She knows above all that she's in pain and that this hurts, both physically and emotionally. She wants to give up some days and on others she is so, so angry that someone has done this too her that

She wants to fight, she wants revenge. Mostly though, she's tired. She knows her body needs rest, she lost a lot of blood and yes they had to shoot her heart. Like it wasn't already broken and roughly patched up once. Once should have been enough.

Here's what's she feels.

She doesn't love Josh. She's known that for a while. She breaks up with him when she can formulate enough breath to talk and breathe at the same time, using as few words as possible within the exchange, conserving energy and all that crap.

The analogy they use is like the old school phone battery bars, she used to have ten bars of battery which got her through the day, no worries plus reserves should she need it, now she runs on two, one is needed for all her 'activities of daily living' going to the toilet, using a shower (assisted), eating, drinking and all that crap . The other is used how she sees fit - on physio days it's completely used by practicing walking and breathing, on other days it's conversations, on the bad days it's used in nightmares and the occasional panic attack. The physio doesn't come on those days. She has no reserves. Once those two are gone, she's gone. And she feels so perpetually exhausted. There's no room in her two bars of batteries for love. Josh excepts this, easily, she thinks. And with a kiss of her forehead, he ghosts away.

She feels pain, for Montgomery, for herself, for everything that's lost when they struck her heart with a well placed bullet. The physical pain isn't nearly dulled enough but it's a pain that's better than the one that sits on and in her chest, in her guts and isn't ever relieved by painkillers.

She can't love Castle right now. There isn't enough room for love with all the pain in her body.

Here is what she needs.

Space. Time. She's told Castle, she's notified the precinct and negotiated with the new captain. She's had help from her dad and the boys, Lanie too. Espo is going to stay at her place, and cover the rent. Her dad has agreed to take her to the cabin. She's up to walking almost 12 steps independently and they've given her the clearance to go home. Finally. There is only so much people that she can handle being around day in day out. As a naturally private person she's not been truly along for over four weeks. Six weeks in the cabin is what she's aiming for, even though her dad can only stay for three of them. She's really looking forward to the solitude. They release her on a sunny Thursday. Her dad hands her sunglasses and they hit the road. Forty minutes in and she can't stand sitting and longer, biting her lower lip from crying out whenever the car is jostled or hits a bump. They stop soon after, lie her down on the backseat, give her pain killers and the rest of the drive runs smooth enough. Week one and two fly by and soon she's saying goodbye to her dad. She can't express enough how thankful she is for him. She is looking forward to the opportunity to spend some time by herself. A luxury which, since the shooting has been almost eight weeks. With three weeks in the cabin she has plans to make herself stronger and better. She thinks of the city, of Castle, of the precinct, but when she does, she has nightmares so bad that the next day is a write off. She needs help with that. And tries not to think about it at all.

When she returns to the city three and half weeks later, she is stronger physically. But emotionally, she needs help. She enlists the help of a Dr. Burke and hopes this is a positive place to start.

Here's what she learns.

People don't take kindly to being ignored. That after her talk with Castle in the park, it still takes her preparation and a whole bunch of courage to talk to him. Sometimes it feels harder than it did stepping into the precinct.

That a full day of paperwork at the office is more tiring than a day filled with walks and nature.

That there are only so many variations of 'yes I'm fine, how are you?' That she can think of, and talking is not, and never has been a strong suit of hers.

She learns that slow and sure are not bad things and that because she is so fastidious with her sick leave she can afford to take some afternoons off. She learns that handling a gun again is hard. And that with the right words and voice, it becomes easier.

She learns about the new captain. Hard as she is, there is something about her that she instinctively trusts, but it goes against everything she has to trust her. She keeps her distance, and proves herself again. She misses Mongomery.

She learns that sometimes company is not a bad thing and doesn't use up as many battery bars as it once did and perhaps more importantly, sometimes it helps in recharging her.

She learns that she has more than two bars of energy, not quiet ten but the stores are returning and she is so thankful.

She learns that whilst she isn't going to bed completely exhausted every night, sometimes this isn't a bad thing and actually lets her get sleep better.

She recognizes the importance of having a trustworthy source to impart her worries and fears in a way that does not burden others. And sometimes she wonders why she didn't do it years ago. She sums it up to the ignorance of youth.

Most of all she learns that life goes on. That those three months recovery become part of the journey of the year. That all the stories become interwoven, and the heavy feelings on your chest become heavier or lighter depending on the day. That some days are easier than others. And most importantly, it is easier to stand when you have someone to stand with you.


	3. Capture The Flag

Set maybe mid season 6ish? Not entirely sure about this one, but here is it! 12precinct42344 and Castle1701; thank you so much for your kind reviews; hopefully you continue to enjoy it!

#3 / Capture the Flag

"Red leader, red leader, come in, over."

"This is Red Leader, I have you at my six and the rest of the team at my two and eight. Move on my command. Over."

He leans his head out to the right, and pulls it back just in time to hear the thwack of a bullet hit the tree on the left. He looks behind him and gives her a thumbs up. They've revealed their positions by shooting at him, and he knows the rest of the team is on it. She radios the enemy position and gives him the go ahead to move forward. Gun at the ready, he shoots first then tentatively steps out and runs left. He can hear the spray of bullets behind him, he's not sure who's gun it's coming from but as he makes it to cover to see her run past and duck for cover about ten meters in front of him. They're one step closer to the flag. Excellent.

He loves team bonding days with the precinct. They make him feel so much more part of the team, the celebrations at the Old Haunt afterwards are always a blast as well, comparing war wounds and tales of the day.

He was only allowed to come this time due to uneven teams and some input from Kate to Gates. Waivers signed, amour on, gun at the ready, he was excited and ready to go waaaaay before Kate was. Kate wasn't so excited. Lethargy seemed to pull at her in the morning and she took forever getting ready. They met at the precinct and then all carpooled from there. The teams were the homicide squad from the 12th (Kate, Espo, Ryan and himself) vs the homicide team at the 4th precinct (Barnes, Sullivan, Delmanix, and Mandic) He didn't really know them so well, and they'd only played against them once before. They'd won, but only just. When Kate had briefed them she reminded them to be on their guard and play smart. He loved when she took charge. Shaking his head, he realises that she's giving him strange looks. Oh right. Head in the game. That may have been another tip she'd parted with, looking pointedly at him.

She looks ahead and radios back.

"Flag is less the half a click away, last time they laid a trap, I think they'll try again. I spot two moving behind which leaves two in front. Castle, Espo, cover Ryan and I, try and take the two behind. Divide and conquer boys. I'm going to cover Ryan as he heads for the flag. I suspect trees so make sure you look up. On my mark."

He let's out a low breath, spots Espo in the cleaning and nods at him. Espo nods back, signals for him to look at the grounds, whilst he looks to the trees. Castle scouts the ground for movement, and hears Kate and Ryan move forward. He walks backwards moving his gun in a sweeping motion, just as he's been taught. He hears the whizz of the bullets before he sees the bright explosions of colour behind him. She was right, two behind, which leaves two in front. He unloads in the general direction of where the bullets came from, ducks for cover and waits before moving again.

He hears a whoop and sharp intake of breath. Instinctively he knows that it's her. Abandoning the game he runs after the sound. Shit, shit, shit.

He was supposed to cover her. Shit.

He enters the clearing and all of a sudden he can't breathe. She's lying in the grass with red on her chest. He races over to her. "Kate?"

There's tears on his face. It's stupid he knows. How longs it been since the shooting? This is stupid but he can't breathe.

"Castle?" She's sitting up next to him. "Hey, Castle, come on, breathe." She's rubbing his back and motioning for Espo and Ryan to finish the game. They back off quickly. He's aware, but he's not. He's breathing but it's really hard to stop the flashbacks. Green grass, sharp intakes of breath. Red. Red. Red.

Her voice wasn't there though. He can hear her voice? He slowly sucks in a breath. And out. He becomes more aware. In. Out. Hearing returns. And sight. She's sitting next to him, hands in his hair. He looks up and meets her eyes.

"Hi," she whispers, "you back?"

He nods. "Bit of PTSD?" He nods again. "Ready to stand up?" Answering with action, he moves to stand. She grasps his arm, under his elbow and helps to heave him up. He realises that not too much time has passed, Espo and Ryan are still walking off and the team from the 4th are following with their guns at their sides. He's so embarrassed. She moves to wipe the red from her chest.

"I'm ok." She looks at him and smiles.

"I know." She replies. "Let's go wash up and get changed. We can talk about it later."

Later they're lying in bed and comparing wounds, they'd gone 4 more rounds before heading to the haunt. She'd asked him to stay back but he hadn't wanted to, fearing that the absence of not knowing what was happening would be worse than being in the fight. Plus he didn't want to let the team down. He justified it as facing a fear that Dr. Burke would want him to. She conceded but she'd been careful to cover him and stay close. A constant voice in his ear as well.

He looks over her body in the dimly lit room. Finding blue/green patches of bruises. His eyes meander up to her chest and side, where the larger of the incisions lie. Now just thin cream lines they are barely visible in this light. He reaches out to touch them. She takes his hand and places it on her chest.

"Still here, Castle. Not going anywhere."

He feels the thump, thump, thump of her heartbeat. He breathes for what feels like the first time since she was shot earlier that day.

As their breathing matches up, he pulls her closer.

"I've booked an appointment with Burke. A refresher, if you will."

She smiles. "Sounds good. Want me to come?"

"Mmm, maybe."

For now he's content that she's in his arms. She's alive. He's had an ok day. And they're together.

Next Chapter will be up relatively soon! It's half written! Thanks for reading!


	4. The Garden

Set between s6 and s7. Bare with.. This story is fun to play with. Hopefully this too will add an extra dimension.. Thank you again to those who have reviewed. I hope that you continue to enjoy. Reviews are ace!

#4 / The Garden

Alexis always had a thing for greenery. Perhaps it was living in a loft with no backyard, she was always fascinated with plants and they way they grew. Her shrubbery on the roof grew to a small garden that she was proud of. She knew her father was proud of it too, proud in the way he would bring her bulbs and have a backstory for each of the flowers growing, proud in that he brought them matching watering cans. It was just one more thing that tied them closely together. She could sit reading on the roof in her flower garden forever. She loved the colours and the smells. She loved the time of year when weeds would pop up but she had no idea how. She loved taking care of the bigger plants, keeping away the bugs and snails, marveling in the fact that they made it to the rooftop in the first place. Alexis took good care of her plants, and in a way they took good care of her.

When Kate and her father started dating, she didn't tell Kate about the rooftop, she assumed that it would just be something that her dad introduced, and would take Kate there for coffee and cake or whatever they did when she wasn't around. As the months passed, however, it didn't come up, and the garden remained her own secret. She knew her dad hadn't forgotten though. In his own way he reminded her to water and tend to it, with a plate of seeds or a leaf left on the table, she continued to cultivate the rooftop as she saw fit. As they drew into spring and the smell of roses and chrysanthemums filled the roof, she began to realise that this was not something that she would mind sharing. What started as her own little secret, that she wanted to stay as just hers and her fathers, she realised that perhaps it wouldn't be the worst thing to share with Kate.  
There never seemed a good time though. She intrusted her grandmother with the upkeep when she left for college but on her weekends home, it was her home stay. Taking flowers and pressing them between the pages of her books, waiting for them to dry out so she could leave it in her dad's study for him to find.

And then he went missing. She came home and all of a sudden she couldn't bare to be in her garden. It wasn't the same place without him. Each flower, with it's cutesy backstory made her inconsolably sad. So she stayed away. She stuck mostly to her room, her dad's room and surprisingly on the couch with Kate, tucked under a blanket with a cup of something or other in hand. They talked, sometimes. Sometimes her grandmother talked. As time progressed, she missed the solace of her garden but just couldn't bring herself to go back up there.

One weekend, coming back from a particularly meaningless lecture, she noticed soil by the door. Moving into the room, she followed the trail, up to the roof. Opening the door, with the irrational hope that her father would be behind it, she saw the brown hair of her fathers fiancé and the wide brimmed hat of her grandmother. Her eyes immediately filled with tears. Her garden, far from being the desolate wasteland she expected after weeks of neglect, was ok.

"I couldn't let it die, darling," she hears her grandmother say.  
"I enlisted Kate's help when I realised my knowledge of plants is very limited."  
"I wanted to tell you," pipes up Kate.  
"There just never seemed a good time, so I left it and waited for you to pick the time. I think today we were just clumsy."  
She nods at all of this. Can't stop nodding. She drops her bag and goes to help Kate who seems to be in the process of pulling out some hardy weeds.  
Kate pulls her into a half hug. "I'm sorry I'm here. I just wanted to help. I think that it would break your dad's heart, if, when he gets back your garden isn't here. He speaks so highly of it."  
She turns her head. "You knew?"  
Kate smiles. "Never came up here, but your dad showed me pictures. I figured one day, maybe you'd bring me up here."  
Alexis looks down at the floor. Guilt hits her like a truck.  
"I'm sorry I never asked."  
"I'm sorry I invited myself up."  
"Thanks. For all the work you've done."  
"You're very welcome," Kate replies standing to get soil from the door.

The next few moments seem to happen in slow motion. Her grandmother pulls the hose, causing Kate to trip, awkwardly Kate tries to regain her balance but ends up on her backside. Alexis can't help but look alarmed. The squeak from Kate has her more concerned. As she rushes over she sees why. A nail from one of the flower beds has sunk into her palm. Her grandmother bustles at once. "Ambulance!" She proclaims.

Kate looks mortified. "No! It's ok Martha. Really."  
Alexis, knowing her grandmother won't let up, tells her to go and get the car service. Kate has already pulled her hand away from the nail, and pulled up her sleeve to staunch the blood. As Martha leaves, Alexis bends over Kate.  
"You ok?"  
"Mmmm."  
"You know you're gonna need a tetnus shot, right? Grams has gone to get the car service."  
Kate has turned a shade of white that the doesn't ever remember seeing on the detective.  
"I don't like hospitals. Or needles."  
Alexis smiles. "You'll be ok, detective. I may not be as funny as Dad but I make a good hospital buddy."  
Kate nods, climbing to her feet. Alexis chats to her all the way down stairs, to the hospital and through the shot. She convinces Her grandma to go home and cook or prepare something for them to eat, so she can sit with Kate without the overwhelming presence of her Grams. She talks about the garden and the flowers and the plants. She talks about the back stories of the plants and how they came to be a part of her garden. She talks as they jab Kate with a needle, and holds her hand, stroking her fingers and wedding ring. She talks as they ride home, about her dad and how he helped with the garden and how he helped her turn it from a pot plant into an area where she can go when she's feeling sad or sick or stressed. And offers Kate the same opportunity. She deposits Kate onto the couch, and gives her good hand a hot cup of tea. She goes to prepare hers when she hears a sniff. The "I'm-trying-not-to-cry" sniff that she knows oh so well, She moves towards Kate and takes the drink from her hand, embraces her in a half hug.  
"It's ok. I miss him too."  
They stay like that for what seems like forever.  
When her dad returns, she can't bare to be away from him for long. She and Kate meet regularly in her garden.


	5. Til Death

Set later. Yeah. Later. May be a tad unrealistic. Just for a heads up.

#5 / Til Death

They all keep vigil over her, but Castle doesn't leave. He knows he must look like crap, but he doesn't care. She was shot. Again. Seriously. He doesn't know what time is worse, when she was shot it the heart or now that she's been shot in the head. He keeps playing it over and over in his head, it's on replay. Honestly he can't close his eyes, can't think of anything else and if she wasn't in front of him, he's not sure he would be able to breathe.

The bullet, small caliber, Espo told him, shot her on her left side of her head, clipping her ear and chipping her skull. They'd been optimistic when they'd done scans and confirmed that only minor bone fragments had embedded into her brain. They'd been far more conservative when he'd asked what that would mean for her in the long run. They'd removed the bone fragments and the surgeon had confirmed that he was pleasantly pleased about the reconstruction of the top part of her ear and the surgery scar on the side of her head. Castle felt that they were being far to flippant about the fact that she'd just had brain surgery. And he still didn't know if there would be any brain damage. Then they'd explained the benefits of an induced coma and how long she'd be under for. So far were up to day two of five. They said they'd be starting to wake her up tomorrow, all things going well.

They checked the incision twice a day, to monitor her and check for infection. He'd seen it and almost lost breakfast. Still bloody, still red raw, he didn't really know what to think or feel and then it all started replying in his mind. From that point on he'd made himself look at the incision, asked the nurses questions (what would it look like? Should hair grow there?) so he had answers when she woke up. He'd made his peace, he hoped that she would be ok too. What was one more scar?

She was going to be so pissed that they'd shaved her head.

He'd been with Espo, spotting him as he sat on the roof. It had boded well that he'd been researching snipers and spotters, and always one for first hand experience he'd volunteered. Espo had agreed after Castle had promised the Ferrari and Kate had agreed, mostly, he thinks, to get him out of the way. In hindsight, he'd wished he'd stayed in the car. The events of that day so burned into memory.

Kate and Ryan had called him out, the suspect, and ex-military commando, who had murdered two people in a double homicide. He'd come out with two others, all shooting with dead accuracy. Espo shot from above, Ryan from the left and Kate took the right.

He'd like to say that it all happened in slow motion, but all he saw was bullets flying and Kate going down. It's later, when she's in surgery, his mind can't stop replaying it, again and again in all it's hi-def glory. His squeak and scramble from the rooftop was enough to make Espo stop, check the scope and radio down, radio for a van and then with dead accuracy put the suspects down. With the ambulance on it's way, they stay close to her, her head in Castles lap, pressure applied. Espo had no idea that she'd still been conscious until later when he was talking to Ryan. Ryan can't stop shaking his head, like he's trying to get rid of the memories, Castle does what he does best and talk. Talks about the suspect and how he's taken care of, how she's gotta get a safer job and how he's so so proud of her and the words that keep playing in Espo's mind are the unending declarations of love. Espo can't stop pacing, there, at the hospital, outside her room.

Castle braids that right side of her hair the next day. The left side is just lacking. They've taken off the bandages, leaving only the covering for her ear and head. He gathers her hair and begins the process. Alexis walks in ten minutes later, placing a vase on the bedside and shakes her head at her dad.

"You never knew how to get the side bits," she says carefully. "Can I try?"

Castle pulls away keeping one hand on Kate.

"Sure."

Alexis takes over, gently pulling her fingers through Kate's hair. It's so long compared to the other side. She can't help the tears that drop down her nose as she finishes up. What if she's not the same Kate as before? The one that she drinks tea with, talks about college and nut out problems like only girls can. The sturdy voice of reason behind her Dad's childish happy-go-lucky nature. She's come to realise that Kate never puts her dad in harms way, contrary to that, she'll put herself into the firing line. No one has really told her what's happened, it's more silent words and worried looks. She holds one hand and her dad holds the other. They're taking her out of the coma today, it scares Alexis more than she cares to admit. At least when she's asleep, Kate is more like Shrodinger's Cat, either whole or not, but no one knows which. Her dad's more of the 'lets see what we're facing' kind of guy. But she's scared.

The first thing Kate notices is she can't breathe. Even with gulping breaths, she can't breathe. This seems a bit like déjà vu, and something that she's dreamt before. The second thing she notices is that her head, hurts. These two things together almost make her white out with pain. The pain that sears through her head feels like when you've hit it hard on something or when you get up too fast and the dizziness makes you sit down again. The hyperventilation doesn't help at all either. Why is there someone sitting on her chest? Why is there something down her throat. She tried to open her eyes but they aren't responding immediately. Her arms flail, she can feel someone nearby taking her hand and holding it close. Why can't she breathe?

The first thing Kate notices is that she has a sore head. Well that's an understatement, pounding head? It's localized too. She tried to put her hand to it. Maybe if she touches it, holds it, it will stop. Stop. Her hands are gripped, she doesn't have the strength to pull them out of the hold. But her head hurts. Maybe if she tells someone.

The first thing Kate notices is her head hurts. Her throat is dry and she can see Castle sitting on a chair next to the bed. Where are they? White curtains, single bed, bed rails. A hospital? She tries to get Castle's attention. He's got her hand and she squeezes it as hard as she can.

"Cast-l?" She tries, hmm that hurts,

She sees him peering, leaning forward. And smiling. She tries to smile back, but her head hurts. Maybe Castle can help.

The first thing she notices are bright lights, above her, beside her and a man in a white coat. Oh. Yeah. Hospital. She tries to avoid the light. Then they touch her head. She tries to move away. Tries to ask them not to but her tongue feels fat, and her mouth is dry. Her body isn't quiet responding either.

The first thing she notices is Castle's a voice.

"Hagrid looked at Harry with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Harry, instead of feeling pleased and proud, felt quiet sure there had been a horrible mistake."

He's reading to her. She opens her eyes.

"A wizard?.."

He looks over to her. Surprisingly her head feels a dull ache, a pounding but nothing compared to before. Almost manageable. Let's try again,

"Cast-"

His face cracks into the widest grin she's seen in a while.

"Hi sweetheart. You're ok, you're in the hospital, you were shot, you're going to be ok."

She reaches for him and he immediately takes her hand.

"I'mok, harrypotter?"

He looks at her, confused, then holds up the book.

"Yep. Gotta start them young."

This doesn't really compute. Her head hurts. Why would he play mind games if her head hurts?

She tries again.

"Hea-urrs."

He looks down at her.

"One more time Kate?"

"Head?"

"Your head hurts?"

She nods. Hmm shouldn't do that, that hurts.

"Ok I'm going to gets the doctor."

She shakes her head. Shit. Should definitely not do that again. Ever.

"Dongo."

"Alexis is here, I'll be just down the hall."

She turns her head to see Alexis on the other side of the bed. She smiles and Alexis smiles back and mouths 'hi'.

Kate closes her eyes.

The next day, maybe, she finds herself awoken. They preform assessments and tests on her which make her work. And hurt and just want to go back to sleep. Castle is there throughout the whole ordeal. She's in tears by the end.

"This hurts." She whispers to Castle,

"You're doing great," he smiles, encouragingly.

She gets put back to bed and is asleep within minutes.

"You're sure?" He asks. The doctor nods.

"She's ok to go home sometime this week."

"But she..."

"Mr. Castle your wife's surgery was two weeks ago, since then we've complete the necessary neural and motor assessments. Aside from mild aphasia and being pregnant your wife's recovering surprisingly well."

Castle breathes.

"You're sure?"

The doctor sighs.

"I wouldn't be telling you or discharging her if you I wasn't."

Castles whooshes out a breath.

"Oh, Mr. Castle, may I suggest that you tell your wife she's pregnant? The sooner the better would be good."

"Um. Yes, right! Sure! Can you tell the nurses thanks for keeping it on the down-low?"

The doctor nods and smiles. "Just tell her Mr. Castle."

One more chapter to go! Thanks for sticking with it! Again, all those who've reviewed, I can't thank you enough. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

Also for those not in a medical field; The difficulties of people with Aphasia is a speech/language disorder which can range from occasional trouble finding words to losing the ability to speak, read, or write, but does not affect intelligence. Some people have severe aphasia and can hardly speak a word. Other people have very mild aphasia and you may hardly notice that anything is wrong. But the person may tell you that they can't "remember" friends' names or that the exact word they're looking for won't come to mind. It's similar to always having the word "on the tip of your tongue." Just FYI.

Thanks again.


	6. One The One Time Wasn't

Last Chapter. Thank you all for the kind reviews and words. They help. The ride has been fun! Let me know what you think! Thanks again.

#6 / and the one time she wasn't.

He hears her feet drag before he hears the door shut. The house feels better with her inside, safer. When he looks over, he sees darkness on her face and a sense of foreboding.  
"Rough day?"  
Kate nods, more to herself than the occupants of the house.  
"Hiya mumma!" Comes a voice from the next room.  
"Hi Pumpkin." She says slowly.  
She walks up to Castle. "Later." She promises, with a kiss. She looks so forlorn that Castle can't help but her feel apprehension and worry. "You ok?"  
"Mmmm. Later. Promise." She moves away before he can envelop her into a hug.  
"Mumma! Looks what daddy 'n I made!"  
She walks to the front room, after her son, to see a Lego tower.  
"That's great bubba. How did you do it?"  
As her son tells her about his tower, she sinks into the couch. Letting the days events wash over. She's so glad to be home.  
She throws a Lego piece towards her son, "One more piece bub, then wash up for dinner. Whatever dad's cooking sure smells perfect."  
Her son contemplates where to put the last piece and she wanders back into the kitchen.  
Castle turns to her.  
"What's up, buttercup?"  
She smiles. "What's for dinner?" He's not oblivious to the fact that she's glossed over the question, and chooses to answer all the same.  
"Mac and Cheese. Tom's favourite, he picked. Quick and easy. Sorry got caught writing."  
"Mm no, sounds perfect."  
As they sit down for dinner, Castle begins to feel more and more concerned. She's not as engaged in Tom's stories as she usually is. And she's not eating at all. Luckily, his son can talk until the cows come home and is completely oblivious to the fact that his mother isn't really listening.

After dinner he sets Kate up with a glass of wine, and begins the night rituals for his sons bedtime. To his surprise, Kate tags along and goes through the motions with latent smiles and generic praise. Finally after they've read Tom his stories and the kids eyes are closing shut, Kate gives him a kiss on the forehead and wanders back into the front room.  
Castle follows her out, whispering goodnight to their son.

He starts to pack up the dishes.  
"Tell me what's wrong?" He implores quietly. "What happened today?"  
She sighs. A 'I've got the weight of the whole world on my shoulders sigh'. She moves towards the couch. Plonking herself down, she breathes in deep and tells him; "I think I'm going to retire."  
He laughs. Out loud.  
She looks sharply at him.  
"I'm not kidding."  
"Babe, what happened?" She shakes her head.  
"I don't want to do this anymore." She says it with such heaving emotion that he can't stop himself from gathering her up and enclosing her in hug.  
"Ok." He says simply.  
"Ok." She says back.  
"You still gotta tell me what happened today."  
She nods.  
"Can we go to bed?"  
He nods back. "Come on."  
He takes her hand and leads her to the bedroom. The dishes and Lego tower forgotten.  
They're watching something or other when she starts talking. With a deep breath in, she starts to describe her day.

"You know we've been after the child-killer. The one that shot his son and dog?" He nods. He knew the case had been playing on her mind. A particularly horrific case where the son had been left with his abusive father after the mother had died. They had deduced that that the dog had been shot first and the son by accident. Called in by a neighbor who'd heard the shots the father had been long gone by the time the police had got there. Kate had been a wreck about it, wanting justice for the boy, only a little older than her son.  
"You got him?"  
She nods.  
"That's good!"  
"I was shot. Again. Kind of."  
His heart drops.  
"What?! How?! Where?! Are you ok?" He sits up. Looking her up and down. She looks ok. He holds up her hands, takes her face in her hands and rubs his hands through her hair over her body and down her back.  
"I'm ok Castle."  
She sits up, thinks better of it and cocoons down into the covers.  
"He had a gun, I chased him, he shot. I was wearing my vest." Hmm that explains the ginger movements and slow walk.  
"It hit in the same spot as the funeral shot." She sighs. "I panicked. Hid. Espo and Ryan got him. Espo took him back, Ryan came to find me having a panic attack."  
"Why didn't you call me?"  
"I asked them not to. I just wanted to come home. See you. See Tom. Have some semblance of normal for the first time this week."  
He brushes his hand through her hair. Feels the long scar of the last shooting, the raised bump that hasn't quiet healed.  
"Katherine Beckett. I don't think you could stop being a cop anymore than I could stop writing. You are, without a doubt, the most compassionate, determined, bravest woman I know. You are my wife, Tom's mother and Alexis' stepmom and if that is the path you want to take from here on in, then I support you 100%. But, if you feel that perhaps this last couple of weeks has just been too much and you need a break? I can support you in that too. And if you want to retire? Well, mull on that for the week, and if you still feel the same, then that's ok. We will figure it out."  
She snuggles closer too him,  
"I think I'll dream tonight." She warns him. He nods. He'd be surprised if she didn't. He's used to the nightmares and broken sleep.  
"It's ok, Kate. Sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up." He pulls out the laptop and winks at her. "I'm researching places to visit for when you retire."  
She lays on his chest. "Somewhere warm." She requests, closing her eyes.

She's only asleep ten, maybe fifteen minutes before she starts shaking and muttering violently. He sighs. So no sleep tonight. She wakes herself up before he's able to.  
"Ok?" He whispers wiping her hair off her face.  
"Mm." She rolls out of the bed and heads to the ensuite. He hears the water running. He wonders if he should go after her. Sometimes he does and she pushes him away, others he doesn't and he knows that he should have. When he hears gasping, he leaps out of bed and heads straight for her. Personal boundaries be damned. He knocks and opens the door. She's in the corner, back agains the wall. Panic attack, he deduces. He hasn't seen her like this in so long. It must have been bad. Hell the whole weeks been bad, pushing herself to pretty much breaking point. And here she is breaking. He should message Ryan. And Espo. Maybe Gates. See if Kate can get some time off. Personal leave? Annual leave? He'll find out.  
He turns his attention back towards her.  
"Kate. Kate I need you to look at me." He places a finger on her chin and turns her face to look at his.  
"Kate. I need you to breathe In and out." He uses the low steady voice, just like the good Doctor Burke taught him.  
It always scares him, seeing her like this. After the second shooting, the panic attacks came back almost worst than the first time. She took almost the same amount of time off, coupled with the fact that she was pregnant did not bode well. Several times she'd passed out from hyperventilation. They'd found ways around it, ways to help it. It still scared him though.  
He eyes look up at him. Her breathing slows. His heart rate drops with hers. He strokes her face, her arms and rubs her chest. He gives her kiss and holds her close.  
"Daddy?" Comes a small voice in the corner. A head peaks round the corner into the bathroom. "Daddy, I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" Castle groans inwardly. Never one to deny his son he knows he must do just that. Kate does tend to flail in nightmares and flashbacks. He's copped a few bruises over the years.  
"Daddy, why are you and mummy in the bathroom?"  
Castle looks to Kate and looks at Tom. Deciding Kate to be the more pressing of the two, he cups her face in his hands. "It's ok. I'm ok. Go." She's almost coherent and he takes this as a good sign. He stands her up and pushes her towards the bed. "Go. I'll be there in a minute."  
He picks Tom up, "hey little man. Bad dream huh?" Tom nods. Maybe he felt it in the loft too. The kid is damn perceptive.  
He has an idea.

"Hey buddy, wanna help me with something?"  
Tom nods. "Ok. I need you to go and get your stars night light. And all the blankets you can find."  
"Pillow fort?" His son asks.  
"Better!" Grins Castle, "Camping in the front room."  
With renewed energy, Castle brings together the tall chairs and table. He finds the big couch pillows and brings them into the centre, making a cocoon for Tom, separated by a long pillow. That should do it, he finds the dark blanket and hooks it to the roof of the table. Enough to see the stars.  
Tom wanders in. "Cool dad!"  
Sleep is long gone from his eyes. Hmm hopefully this wasn't the worst idea. "Did you grab blankets?"  
Castle looks behind him to see a trail of blankets. "Good job." He says ruffling his hair.  
He places the blankets on the floor before running to grab Tom's doona, and the spare one from the cupboard.  
"Alright, champ. Climb in, lie down. Tell me what you can see?"  
"I see all the stars!"  
"Alright, I want you watch the stars. When I come back, I'll tell you a story about the stars. I'm just going to get your mum. Ok?" When he doesn't hear a response he assumes his son is deep in concentration. He hopes so anyway.  
When he returns to the bedroom, it seems that Kate has fallen back asleep. Not peacefully though. Still murmuring, tossing and turning, her sleep looks anything but peaceful. He gently wakes her. "Come with me."  
"Tom ok?" She whispers,  
He nods. "Come on."  
She follows him into the front room, "oh Castle." She crawls in, without hesitation. He follows her, hoping he's made enough space for them all. Tom's already asleep on the makeshift raised bed. Stars still bright.  
"This is perfect." He wraps her in the covers, then in his arms.  
"Tell me a story, Castle."  
He smiles. That he can do. That he can do well.  
"Once upon a time, there was a princess, and she was very accident prone..."


End file.
